**The Pain Behind the Armor: El-Rufai and the Politics of Emotional Detachment**

By Bamidele Atoyebi

Divine messages are purposeful, and I often feel a spiritual nudge reminding me of my role as a prophet—a mirror reflecting societal blind spots. After viewing Otunba Ajiboye’s interview on Arise TV last night, that voice was back, urging me to address not only the aired content but also the crucial topics left unspoken: the emotional and psychological well-being of our leaders.

Psychologists tackling mental or emotional distress don’t rely solely on scientific tools; they begin with fundamental human questions. Did the individual receive love during their upbringing? Were they cherished in their formative years and continue to be valued by family? Such inquiries form the foundation of psychosocial care; without love, even a resilient facade can mask a deteriorating mental state.

This brings us to former Kaduna State Governor Nasir El-Rufai. Despite his intelligence and ambition, El-Rufai often presents himself as someone who is overly confident in his uniqueness, resistant to criticism, and dismissive of dissent. However, upon closer examination, his harsh rhetoric and apparent anger towards opposition reveal deeper issues of emotional detachment and internal struggle.

It seems that El-Rufai may not have experienced consistent, nurturing love during his early years. This lack can lead to emotional armor—a defense that replaces empathy with ego and connection with control. It’s possible that even now, the emotional support expected from family, particularly children, is lacking. What we observe publicly may be more of a performance than genuine power, with brilliance masking a neglected inner child.

El-Rufai’s emotional state was not confined to his private life. As governor from 2015 to 2023, he governed one of Nigeria’s most ethnically and religiously divided state. During his tenure, Southern Kaduna experienced significant violence, with numerous fatalities in communal clashes. Controversially, he opted to compensate Fulani herdsmen to deter retaliatory attacks, avoiding justice for victims. Rather than fostering peace through empathy, he pursued what he termed “grounding solutions,” often resembling a cold, technocratic approach devoid of moral consideration.

Local leaders accused his administration of a covert war against their communities, undermining traditional structures, obstructing development, and neglecting to prosecute assailants. Many viewed his governance as a deliberate effort to marginalize rather than mediate. His critics weren’t just political opponents; they were victims of a philosophy that prioritized dominance over dialogue.

Under El-Rufai’s leadership, there was a confusion of control with strength and brilliance with depth. Ultimately, his administration left a fractured state in sorrow. His legacy lacks true transformative impact, marked by intensity rather than intimacy.

What El-Rufai requires is not further praise or condemnation but a psychosocial intervention rooted in honesty and empathy. He needs people courageous enough to communicate: “You are struggling. Your pain is affecting others.” Acknowledging the emotional experiences of our leaders is essential. Power cannot heal abandonment, and authority cannot silence a neglected inner child. This can result in a strong individual whose authority conceals profound pain. If Nigeria is to heal, we must ask: do our leaders know how to give and receive love? Only a heart filled with love can lead with empathy; only those emotionally secure can build a nation characterized by peace and dignity, not just policies.

In contrast, President Bola Ahmed Tinubu’s life exemplifies resilience and emotional intelligence. He weathered severe political storms, such as General Sani Abacha’s dictatorship, with dignity. During this oppressive period, Tinubu went into hiding yet remained committed to supporting the National Democratic Coalition (NADECO) from exile, playing a significant role in Nigeria’s resistance against military rule.

From 1999 to 2007, as governor of Lagos State, he faced political persecution but continued to implement transformative policies despite challenges, including false accusations. His ability to support others politically during risky times shows a foundation of compassion and clarity rather than anger. He offered support to former Vice President Atiku Abubakar in 2007, despite the challenges presented by Atiku and his former boss, President Obasanjo, during his tenure as governor of Lagos. Recently, Atiku has emerged as his most significant political opponent. In 2011, he also awarded his party ticket to Nuhu Ribadu, emphasizing that effective leadership doesn’t always require being in the spotlight; one can lead from the background. As Jesus stated, those who aspire to lead must first be servants. This reflects a rare grace of leadership that is hard to find not just in Nigeria, but throughout Africa. We are often recognized for our political narcissism, which drives our desire to lead at all times.

Tinubu was instrumental in forming the All Progressives Congress (APC) in 2013, helping secure Muhammadu Buhari’s presidential candidacy. Even when sidelined, he demonstrated emotional maturity, refraining from public outbursts or entitlement. Even when political rivalries emerged, such as with Bukola Saraki, he maintained a stance of composure and goodwill.

As the 2023 APC presidential primary approached, Tinubu’s support waned from multiple power brokers, and while facing challenges like currency redesign and fuel scarcity, he remained steady, never retaliating. He emerged victorious, showcasing resilience without bitterness.

Since becoming president, Tinubu has faced continued unproven accusations but has not misused state power for revenge, exemplifying emotional security. His calm confidence speaks to a self-worth nurtured rather than fractured.

Tinubu represents leadership grounded in emotional intelligence; despite adversity, he maintains composure and leads with conviction. Leaders like him are essential for Nigeria, those guided by purpose rather than anger or wounded pride.

Our leaders must learn to transcend personal grievances, demonstrating love for their country and people, leading with empathy rather than ego. These qualities can mend broken institutions, foster trust, and inspire a new governance paradigm they are genuine traits developed from being truly loved.

My prophetic insight is this: genuine change will not solely arise from political revolutions but emotional reconciliations. By embracing love, we may find the strength to love our country and each other more fervently.

Bamidele Atoyebi, the convenor of the BAT Ideological Group, engages in accountability and policy scrutiny as a social worker, criminologist, maritime administrator, and philanthropist. He authored this message from Abuja.